"Oh Lord, on days like this one, please help me not to lose my mind. Help me keep my sanity, because I will need it later when I have to remember how to use the A.T.M. machine. Help me not to strangle anyone because that is a crime, and I do not wish to go to prison. Lord, help me to remember that I must not take my eyes off of you; after all, THAT is when Peter began to sink."
Hey, Dad, feel free to come back any time. Umm, but could you hurry up? Thanks. See, today was one of those days that takes you by complete surprise. I might as well have woke up to someone slapping me in the face-with one of those rubber chickens. (sigh)
Mitch had a major meltdown; I'm talking the kicking, screaming, throwing, yelling kind of fit. I'm talking raw emotion. Of course, we believe in equality here in our household so Ben threw quite a tantrum, too. I wanted to hide. I really wanted to go get back in my bed and pull my pillow up over my face. And scream. No, today couldn't be handled by the dry-erase board that keeps tally of smiley faces and "x's." Today, we needed time, attention, love, and discipline. Don't get me wrong, we do discipline on other days, too. In fact, several times a day. However, it isn't always needed to this extreme.
Sidebar: You know those reality shows on T.V., like "Extreme Makeover," etc ... ? Well, I think we need an "Extreme Tantrum" show. I'd be willing to hide a video camera around here so other people could see why my hair is turning so gray. I'd be willing to let JoJo come and stay with us. "Help me, Nanny JoJo!"
Today was one of those days that makes me question my abilities as a parent. It makes me wonder if I have any idea what I'm doing, whatsoever. I've come to the realization that, "No. I don't." Nevertheless, I am doing the best I can. I think. Days like this one, makes me fall back into a cloud of regret. I know I have made many many bad choices. I know that I have had consequences to pay. I know that my rebellion as a youngster led me across a rickety old bridge. I also know that I can't go get those days back. I can't get the time back. I can't change the past, or my mistakes. All I have is right now, to make a difference. So, onward and upward I go.
"God, help me to forgive myself, for all of my mistakes. I have asked you to forgive me, and you have. I just need to learn to forgive myself. Help me to stand in the assurity that you have given me. Help me to show the kind of love and compassion that you do, when you discipline me. Help me, Lord, day by day. Show me how to let others see you, in me."
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